Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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