does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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