you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
