i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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