I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize