dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
