i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
