My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
