Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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