My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There are leaves in my underwear?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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