youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
