she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
