Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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