around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
