Porn is love you can see.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
