I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
