And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
