Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
