The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
