he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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