now i know why i became what i already was.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
