Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
