this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
