You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
