What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
