my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
