Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
