i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
