I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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