She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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