i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
