wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
