After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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