I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
