just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
