I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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