I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
