you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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