it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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