She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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