The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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