god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Everything about him screamed your future.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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