And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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