how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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