How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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