My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
