The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
