Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
