So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
