after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
