I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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