I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
