party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
