Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
