good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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