I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
