Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
