Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
