now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
