Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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