I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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