i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
