She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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