a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
