I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we made out on top of his cat.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
