while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
